Welcome, if you're reading this you're either curious about us or want the links to our blogs. We are Rinnie (Cathryn is my real name) and Ami, a romantically linked couple from the UK whom both suffer from BPD/EUPD among other mental health illness's. We have been together since our teenage years, it hadn't always been easy and we are still navigating our way through this relationship when we have episodes. The thing with BPD is theres so many aspects of it and sometimes even we forget how the other person may be feeling. In our personal blogs we may touch on subjects such as abuse, substance misuse, our relationship with eachother as well as our friendships with other people, body dysmorphia, ADHD, autism and just whatever we're feeling on the day, our anxieties and depression, ect. We hope you join us on our journey/journies in self-growth and partnerships. 

Hi, I'm Ami - some might call me a lifelong sufferer, I prefer to see myself as a long term warrior. My mental health issues began at age 8, and progressively continued to worsen. I was first hospitalised at age 16 where I was told "we usually wait til age 18 for diagnosis but it's quite clear that you have BPD" BPwhat I thought? I was clueless after spending most of my teenage years having different diagnosis thrown at me. I decided to look into BPD, and I realised actually, yes, this is something that seems to fit.

Eighteen years later I'm still battling. I spent 13 months inpatient in my 20's doing an intense DBT program, the DBT was helpful, and gave me lots of coping mechanism and resources to pull from in times of need. The overall hospital experience not so much.

I've spent years in therapy which I'm grateful to have been offered, working on myself, my boundaries, my reactions, and my past. 

I'm still not in the best place I could be, I still get overwhelmed, I still engage in some negative coping mechanisms. I'm going through a particularly rough time at the moment. Trying to call on all I know to get by. I still have times where I feel I cant carry on - but, I battle through.

I've dedicated my time to studying mental health and so far hold two qualifications. If I can help just one person feel a little better, a little less alone - then I've succeeded.

This is my journey.

 Hi, I'm Rinnie/Cathryn and I have been battling my BPD since my teenage years, its not always easy and I have good and bad patches, I've experienced mega highs and extreme lows. I question my every move, action and word along with also dealing with ADHD so its not always easy, I say and do things at the wrong time. Depression I think runs in my family, my father committed suicide when I was 14 and from there my mental health took a toll on me, comparing myself to someone everyone said I was just like but in all the wrong ways, back then I thought my father was weak for what he did, it broke me, broke my heart, the man I looked up to and protected me from everything was gone at his own hands, I hated myself for the longest time for having anger towards him for what he did when, I think part of the reason for the anger was because I couldn't bring myself to do what he did or leave the way he did... battling my own mental health though, I now admire him and his courage, I'm not saying what he did was courageous, I'm saying that what he fought, his demons, he was courageous for holding on as long as he did and as much as it kills me not having him around, I will hold on for as long as I can because of him, I will hold his memories with me for the rest of my life and admire his fight with his dark thoughts. These days I'm glad I'm like my dad, in looks, hair, smile, personality.. I am my fathers spawn and maybe I inherited his mental health problems but that's a small price to pay for being so much like someone you admire.

My childhood was blissed to say the least, I was privileged, I had loving parents, grandparents, and a brother and sister that though I didn't always get on with, were always there for me, friends that supported me, good schools, lived in areas in which I wasn't a minority and it was fairly safe for me to be outside with other children my age without a care in the world, I had everything I could ever want and needed handed to me on a silver plate until the age of 14. 

After my dad's death, I felt hurt at everything, I didn't know how to trust people, I was second guessing everything I once knew. I had help from the mental health services from that point on, various medications, cpn's, therapies, ect. I had suicidal tendencies, manic depression and anxiety. I am now 32 and still battling my own mind. The fight carries on, there's good days and there's bad days but I'll fight on.

 This is my safe space.